My Story

I moved from Kansas City, Missouri, to Austin, Texas when I was in 7th grade, and it had a very big effect on me. To make a long story short, I drew into myself when I refused to accept that I had left the world that I thought would be mine the rest of my life. I didn't talk much in school and kept to myself for the most part. It was the first three years of me living in Austin that I discovered I was very introverted. There is nothing wrong with being introverted, but part of my problem was that I didn't want to even try to get out into the world, aka my school and social life, because I didn't want to admit that I wasn't going back to my hometown. I couldn't let it go. I wrestled with myself and with God. I didn't know why he would take everything I knew away from me.

It was during those three years that I realized the passion I felt toward music my whole life was something I wanted to pursue for the rest of it. I wanted to write epic-orchestral music, the kind of stuff you hear in movies, video games, and movie trailers. That kind of music had really been something I could escape to during my "time of silence," I guess you could say. There was a specific artist, called Two Steps From Hell, that I particular liked and quickly became my favorite artist of that genre. I had some experience in music, but not nearly enough to begin to write music, I thought. I didn't really know where to start. But I had to start somewhere.

I didn't know for sure if music really would be the thing I would want to stick with forever, but I wanted to give it a try. I didn't think I could join any ensemble at my high school. My school did, however, offer a music theory class, so I decided to do that. I knew it would be a good step toward being reintroduced to music-making. I took the class my Sophomore year. The class was pretty good - I was really good at knowing all the different terms and notes and chords we learned about. There was one thing, though, that I did not like about the class at all - sight-singing. I was terrible at it. I had never sight-read music to sing before, only stuff for orchestra in middle school and piano in elementary. That had been a long time ago. I disliked sight-singing so much that I knew I would not join choir. I had thought it a very tiny possibility, but after seeing how horrible sight-singing was, I knew there wasn't a chance. There was no orchestra in my school district, and I couldn't play any band instruments, so there was no way I could do those either. It looked like I would have to figure out music on my own.

It was mainly during the first-half of that year, my Sophomore year, that I finally came to grips with myself and where I was in my life. I was in Austin, Texas. I wasn't going back to Kansas City. I realized that, maybe, just maybe, I was meant to do something here. Maybe God had brought me here for a reason. I decided to trust him. So, going into the second half of the school year, I began to focus less on my past, and more on the present. I thought about what I was meant to do now. What I was meant to do here, in Austin, and not what I could have done back in Kansas City. By this time, I could now sight-read in music theory relatively well, so it wasn't as big of a fear for choir. I knew I should be in an ensemble, as it would be a very good experience for me, since I wanted to compose for large ensembles anyway. I signed up. I was still nervous to do it, since I had no idea what it was like, and since I was very reserved, I didn't know if I would be able to do well in such a large group that required lots of social interaction. I felt that the Lord wanted me to do it, though, so I tried not to worry too much.

Towards the end of the year, Two Steps From Hell came out with a new album called Battlecry. I bought the album the day it came out, as I was eager to listen to the new tracks. There was one track in particular that I really liked, which was called "Victory." That song specifically really gave me... courage. Determination. It was such a powerful song, I felt like I could rise up and do anything and be victorious. It was amazing.

Finally, during the last month of school, the choir had their final concert of the year. I figured, since I would be in the choir next year, I should go to the concert to see what it was like. I remember sitting towards the back of the auditorium, waiting for it to start. And then it began. The curtain opened, and there, standing before my eyes, were hundreds of students standing together on stage. Immediately I no longer saw the choir as a big group, but as a family. And then the music started. And they began to sing.

I'm certain it wasn't the best sound to ever come out of a choir, but to me, it was life-changing. Hearing all those students, who all came form different backgrounds, different stories, sing together to create something so powerful... It was awe-inspiring. My anticipation only grew as the concert progressed, and I got to see more of the individual talents within the choir. I finally saw the people that I wanted to be a part of. As I watched, it was almost as if something inside me snapped. I began to feel... different. Like I was no longer afraid. I wanted to do something amazing when I was in choir. I wanted to get good at music. I wanted to write music unlike anyone had ever heard before. I had had no idea how I would do it, but now I didn't care. All I could do was work as hard as I could, trust God, and continue making mistakes until I figured it out.

It was as I sat there, watching the choir sing, that I felt the Lord tell me that, yes, that's what I was supposed to do. I was meant to do music. It was then I knew I had nothing to be afraid of, as long as I worked hard and did it all for Him. It was like I was no longer walking in darkness, but in light.

The concert finally ended. They played a fun song on the sound system and the whole choir danced to it on stage. I remember standing at the very back-top part of the auditorium, watching all of them up there, knowing I would be on that very stage, doing that same thing, one year from then. I put in my earbuds, played "Victory," and began to walk out of the auditorium. It was as I was walking out, listening to "Victory," that a heavy, cold determination settled upon me. It was like the song perfectly described the emotions I was feeling in that moment. The song motivated me to make a decision. I was going to spend the summer getting back to the piano and start trying to write music. As hard as I could. I wouldn't stop. I wanted to make my mark once I joined choir. I wanted to be musically experienced again. And this was when it would happen.

"Victory" by Two Steps From Hell, composed by Thomas Bergersen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKRUPYrAQoE

I've never experienced a summer quite like the summer of 2015. I spent a lot of that time getting acquainted with the piano and getting familiar with the makings of a good melody in music. By the time it was over, I could play relatively okay on the piano (I think), and I had a few melodies and chords going for me. And then my Junior year began.

I could elaborate on everything that happened the following two years, my final two years of high school. But all I'll say is this: It was amazing. It was life-changing. Never had I been a part of such an  incredible group of individuals. In those two years, I overcame my fear of being in large social groups, got very comfortable with singing and sight-reading, participated in the school musical (which was huge), became a part of my school's show choir (a choir that sings and dances to intense choreography) and went to a competition in Ft. Worth for it, sang a solo during one of our concert, composed my first fully orchestral song, and played and sang a lyrical song that I had written at my final choir concert of my senior year. I even spoke at our Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

Something about seeing my choir perform at the end of my Sophomore year took away my fear. God used it to open my eyes. He showed me that music is something that can bring people together and inspire the dreams of others. I know because that's what happened to me.

The final weekend of my Senior year, I composed my first choral song. I wrote it as a sort-of thank-you to my choir and its directors, who changed my life and set me on the path I still pursue. Just two years after I saw them perform for the first time. I had come such a long way.

I will always remember them and the song "Victory" as the keys that God used to unlock my personal realization - my purpose. Yes, now I know. God had brought me to Austin for a reason. And I am so thankful for it.

#PsychStory

Me performing my first lyrical song ever. This was at my final choir

concert of my senior year. It was also the first time one of my songs

had been performed for a public audience.

- Christian