My Strengths

I took a strengths test the other day. It was probably the longest strengths test I've taken (it took me about an hour, consisting of a whopping 240 questions). Once I was finished, it gave me which strengths I scored the highest in:

1. Spirituality, sense of purpose, and faith
- "You have strong and coherent beliefs about the higher purpose and meaning of the universe. You know where you fit in the larger scheme. Your beliefs shape your actions and are a source of comfort to you."


2. Perspective wisdom
- "Although you may not think of yourself as wise, your friends hold this view of you. They value your perspective on matters and turn to you for advice. You have a way of looking at the world that makes sense to others and to yourself."

3. Judgment, critical thinking, and open-mindedness
- "Thinking things through and examining them from all sides are important aspects of who you are. You do not jump to conclusions, and you rely only on solid evidence to make your decisions. You are able to change your mind."

4. Gratitude
- "You are aware of the good things that happen to you, and you never take them for granted. Your friends and family members know that you are a grateful person because you always take the time to express your thanks."

5. Capacity to love and be loved
- "You value close relations with others in particular those in which sharing and caring are reciprocated. The people to whom you feel most close are the same people who feel most close to you."

I thought the strengths and their descriptions were pretty accurate. I mean, with this test, anyone could get any of the strengths and they would probably say they're accurate. But I feel like the strengths listed here are the ones that are most prevalent for me. Now, I just took this test the other day, so it's gonna be kind of hard for me to think of examples on how I put these into practice since then, but I will do my best.

1. As far as my sense of purpose goes, I definitely used it the most Monday morning, before my voice jury. I was about to sing for all four voice teachers at HSU. This is the final for voice lessons. It's where the voice teachers assess whether you have grown in your singing since the last semester. Even though I am technically a "voice principle," as in, singing is my primary "instrument" in the school of music, singing is not why I'm here. I'm here to write music. I was feeling pretty nervous before the jury began, but I reminded myself that singing was not the most important thing for me. If I did good, then great, and if I didn't do so good, then oh well, it's not like I failed at my dream or anything. My purpose was not to sing - it was to compose. Doing this jury was simply a little step, something very little I had to get through to go towards my real goal. Using my sense of purpose and faith in why I was really here helped take a lot of pressure off of me when I did my jury. And I actually did okay on my jury!

2. Okay, so this one is gonna be kinda sappy! Yesterday, my girlfriend and I were talking, specifically about what we had been through in high school, and what we had struggled with. She told me about how she had opened up to a few people about personal things too quickly. And I told her about how I had struggled with having friends that would open up to me about personal things so I could help them. It was then that I realized that we really were good for each other! She had me to open up to and trust, and I had someone to listen to. I could see why we were so good for each other in that moment even more than before. My "perspective wisdom" showed me the overall picture, and it is also what let my girlfriend see that she could trust me and open up to me when we first got close in the first place.

3. I'll be completely honest, I can't really think of any times since I took the test that I used my Judgement, Critical Thinking, and Open-Mindedness strength. In the past, when it seems like there has been miscommunication between some of my friends, they jump to conclusions, automatically thinking that the other friends were mad at them for some reason. I try to wait and see what the other friends say and get the whole story. Of course, it's very hard to tell sometimes what has actually happened, but I try to keep an open mind throughout and not jump to conclusions, like the strength says.

4. Gratitude is something that I need to use often. Honestly, I sometimes forget. One of the biggest examples of when I am aware of good things that happen to me is when I am exhausted and tired from all the work I have to do for college. It gets pretty annoying when you have so much to do everyday that you basically have no free time throughout the week. But it's during those stressed out times that I try to remind myself that I'm lucky to even be getting stressed from college, because at least I'm in college. There are lots of people out there that wish they could go to college but can't for some reason or other.

5. I think this is a general enough strength that I don't need to cite a specific moment in which it happens. Everything I do with others is with love. I live to love. I came to realize a few years ago that even though music was what I wanted to pursue as a career, loving others was what I was meant to pursue as a Christian. I try to be an example of Christ to others in order to show them the kind of love the Christ has shown me. It's also when I show others love that it's easier to see love that exists in the world amidst the darkness that is highlighted so very often these days. I try to show others that there is still hope in the world and that they can still make a difference.

- Christian

The Help of A Counselor

Okay, honesty time. I was supposed to find stories from people I know about positive impacts that a counselor has had on them. I asked multiple people, and while some of them had had counseling before... none of them really had a positive impact on them. That's not to say they had a bad impact, but they didn't do anything really life-changing. I wish I could tell of a big positive experience I've had with a counselor, but I myself have never had any counseling done.

One of my friends simply said "No, not really," when asked if they had ever had a counselor make a positive impact on their life. I didn't push the subject. Another friend that I know had counseling as a child, but he explained that it wasn't very helpful. In fact, he said, it was pretty useless. All they had him do was play games, but nothing to really help with the problem he was facing. And finally, my other friend said that all his counselor did was give him a bunch of drugs to take. I know that's a very crude way of saying it, but that's how he said it.

It makes wonder just how many counselors are doing their job well/correctly/effectively. Now that I think about it, I've heard more stories about counselors that didn't actually do anything to really help a person out than how they helped a person get through something. But then again, maybe that's just people highlighting the negatives much more than the positives that get overshadowed by the negatives. After all, people don't usually talk about what they don't need to worry about.

I was kind of disappointed to hear that none of my friends had really had good experiences with counselors. I do think that counselors play a positive role in our society, though. While I have never had a counseling session, I have known many counselors in my lifetime, and they all have seemed like great people. I am sure that they have helped many people around the world, and I hope that they continue to do so.

#CounselorsHelp

- Christian

My Story

I moved from Kansas City, Missouri, to Austin, Texas when I was in 7th grade, and it had a very big effect on me. To make a long story short, I drew into myself when I refused to accept that I had left the world that I thought would be mine the rest of my life. I didn't talk much in school and kept to myself for the most part. It was the first three years of me living in Austin that I discovered I was very introverted. There is nothing wrong with being introverted, but part of my problem was that I didn't want to even try to get out into the world, aka my school and social life, because I didn't want to admit that I wasn't going back to my hometown. I couldn't let it go. I wrestled with myself and with God. I didn't know why he would take everything I knew away from me.

It was during those three years that I realized the passion I felt toward music my whole life was something I wanted to pursue for the rest of it. I wanted to write epic-orchestral music, the kind of stuff you hear in movies, video games, and movie trailers. That kind of music had really been something I could escape to during my "time of silence," I guess you could say. There was a specific artist, called Two Steps From Hell, that I particular liked and quickly became my favorite artist of that genre. I had some experience in music, but not nearly enough to begin to write music, I thought. I didn't really know where to start. But I had to start somewhere.

I didn't know for sure if music really would be the thing I would want to stick with forever, but I wanted to give it a try. I didn't think I could join any ensemble at my high school. My school did, however, offer a music theory class, so I decided to do that. I knew it would be a good step toward being reintroduced to music-making. I took the class my Sophomore year. The class was pretty good - I was really good at knowing all the different terms and notes and chords we learned about. There was one thing, though, that I did not like about the class at all - sight-singing. I was terrible at it. I had never sight-read music to sing before, only stuff for orchestra in middle school and piano in elementary. That had been a long time ago. I disliked sight-singing so much that I knew I would not join choir. I had thought it a very tiny possibility, but after seeing how horrible sight-singing was, I knew there wasn't a chance. There was no orchestra in my school district, and I couldn't play any band instruments, so there was no way I could do those either. It looked like I would have to figure out music on my own.

It was mainly during the first-half of that year, my Sophomore year, that I finally came to grips with myself and where I was in my life. I was in Austin, Texas. I wasn't going back to Kansas City. I realized that, maybe, just maybe, I was meant to do something here. Maybe God had brought me here for a reason. I decided to trust him. So, going into the second half of the school year, I began to focus less on my past, and more on the present. I thought about what I was meant to do now. What I was meant to do here, in Austin, and not what I could have done back in Kansas City. By this time, I could now sight-read in music theory relatively well, so it wasn't as big of a fear for choir. I knew I should be in an ensemble, as it would be a very good experience for me, since I wanted to compose for large ensembles anyway. I signed up. I was still nervous to do it, since I had no idea what it was like, and since I was very reserved, I didn't know if I would be able to do well in such a large group that required lots of social interaction. I felt that the Lord wanted me to do it, though, so I tried not to worry too much.

Towards the end of the year, Two Steps From Hell came out with a new album called Battlecry. I bought the album the day it came out, as I was eager to listen to the new tracks. There was one track in particular that I really liked, which was called "Victory." That song specifically really gave me... courage. Determination. It was such a powerful song, I felt like I could rise up and do anything and be victorious. It was amazing.

Finally, during the last month of school, the choir had their final concert of the year. I figured, since I would be in the choir next year, I should go to the concert to see what it was like. I remember sitting towards the back of the auditorium, waiting for it to start. And then it began. The curtain opened, and there, standing before my eyes, were hundreds of students standing together on stage. Immediately I no longer saw the choir as a big group, but as a family. And then the music started. And they began to sing.

I'm certain it wasn't the best sound to ever come out of a choir, but to me, it was life-changing. Hearing all those students, who all came form different backgrounds, different stories, sing together to create something so powerful... It was awe-inspiring. My anticipation only grew as the concert progressed, and I got to see more of the individual talents within the choir. I finally saw the people that I wanted to be a part of. As I watched, it was almost as if something inside me snapped. I began to feel... different. Like I was no longer afraid. I wanted to do something amazing when I was in choir. I wanted to get good at music. I wanted to write music unlike anyone had ever heard before. I had had no idea how I would do it, but now I didn't care. All I could do was work as hard as I could, trust God, and continue making mistakes until I figured it out.

It was as I sat there, watching the choir sing, that I felt the Lord tell me that, yes, that's what I was supposed to do. I was meant to do music. It was then I knew I had nothing to be afraid of, as long as I worked hard and did it all for Him. It was like I was no longer walking in darkness, but in light.

The concert finally ended. They played a fun song on the sound system and the whole choir danced to it on stage. I remember standing at the very back-top part of the auditorium, watching all of them up there, knowing I would be on that very stage, doing that same thing, one year from then. I put in my earbuds, played "Victory," and began to walk out of the auditorium. It was as I was walking out, listening to "Victory," that a heavy, cold determination settled upon me. It was like the song perfectly described the emotions I was feeling in that moment. The song motivated me to make a decision. I was going to spend the summer getting back to the piano and start trying to write music. As hard as I could. I wouldn't stop. I wanted to make my mark once I joined choir. I wanted to be musically experienced again. And this was when it would happen.

"Victory" by Two Steps From Hell, composed by Thomas Bergersen:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKRUPYrAQoE

I've never experienced a summer quite like the summer of 2015. I spent a lot of that time getting acquainted with the piano and getting familiar with the makings of a good melody in music. By the time it was over, I could play relatively okay on the piano (I think), and I had a few melodies and chords going for me. And then my Junior year began.

I could elaborate on everything that happened the following two years, my final two years of high school. But all I'll say is this: It was amazing. It was life-changing. Never had I been a part of such an  incredible group of individuals. In those two years, I overcame my fear of being in large social groups, got very comfortable with singing and sight-reading, participated in the school musical (which was huge), became a part of my school's show choir (a choir that sings and dances to intense choreography) and went to a competition in Ft. Worth for it, sang a solo during one of our concert, composed my first fully orchestral song, and played and sang a lyrical song that I had written at my final choir concert of my senior year. I even spoke at our Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

Something about seeing my choir perform at the end of my Sophomore year took away my fear. God used it to open my eyes. He showed me that music is something that can bring people together and inspire the dreams of others. I know because that's what happened to me.

The final weekend of my Senior year, I composed my first choral song. I wrote it as a sort-of thank-you to my choir and its directors, who changed my life and set me on the path I still pursue. Just two years after I saw them perform for the first time. I had come such a long way.

I will always remember them and the song "Victory" as the keys that God used to unlock my personal realization - my purpose. Yes, now I know. God had brought me to Austin for a reason. And I am so thankful for it.

#PsychStory

Me performing my first lyrical song ever. This was at my final choir

concert of my senior year. It was also the first time one of my songs

had been performed for a public audience.

- Christian